Uncut Jems: My Rubber Cock

At Jems, we know no amount of study can replace real life experience (though hearing from someone real, who we can relate to, is also very very helpful). 

It’s this world of intelligence – real people sharing the wisdom and knowledge they’ve gained from experience – that Jems is calling upon for our new series: Uncut Jems.

Uncut and uncensored, these are your stories to tell. 

Big thanks + love to these (s)expansive truth tellers for giving the real sex ed. First up is Jems' very own researcher-in-residence and sex therapist-in-training, Holly Peters.

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My Rubber Cock 

by Holly Peters

I grew up watching Disney and playing Barbie, and like many women, I developed preconceived notions of what sex, love, and relationships are supposed to look like. Consequently, I sought men with masculine qualities to fill my holes, including the one in my heart. 

After a few dismal high school relationships, I met a man who challenged these norms and sexuality as I knew it. He ticked all my boxes. Not only was he masculine-presenting, but he was also incredibly witty, charismatic, and edgy. From the onset, we had an open, honest dialogue surrounding sex. 

Roughly two years into our relationship, we began experimenting with anal play. What started with finger stimulation during foreplay evolved into a conversation about pegging. Although intrigued, I had my reservations. I've always been a sexual risktaker, but strap-on sex was certainly new territory and, up until this point, something I'd only ever seen on Broad City.

Diving in deep, as I always do, my first step was to buy a strap-on. After mustering up the courage to head to the local sex shop, I purchased my very own phallic friend. I practiced wearing it around the house as if breaking in a new pair of heels. I looked at myself in the mirror, thrusting into the air, gripping my new appendage, feeling dysmorphic yet insanely empowered.

Despite all my preparations, I was so freaking nervous. I feared my boyfriend wouldn't find me attractive, that I could hurt him, or that I may not be able to provide him with the pleasure he was seeking. It took me a while to become comfortable wearing it, but I eventually relaxed and headed to his house with some water-based lube and a willingness to explore the unknown.

After our usual foreplay, there was no avoiding the elephant in the room. I was about to do the unthinkable – fuck my boyfriend in the ass. Awkwardly, I strapped my shiny new toy onto my frame. We took it slow, ensuring he was both stimulated and comfortable before commencing penetration. After all, you can't just go from zero to dildo. 

I could tell he was ready, and based on the stiffness of my rubber cock, so was I.

Getting it in was a total mess; the dildo slipped, bent, and missed his butthole a few times before I finally mastered it. Soon enough, I found my rhythm and began thrusting to my heart's content. It was as if I was in an alternate reality – the man who had been fucking me was now spread wide open with ME inside of HIM. 

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was brought back into reality. Feelings of dominance and excitement took over. Now that we both had the ability to penetrate, our sex life seemed limitless.

What started as an adventurous evening became three years of anal play. Some nights it was just a finger. Other nights, it was anal beads or a strap-on cock. Whenever we used the strap-on, I generally prioritized my boyfriend's pleasure over my own.  

Although I was having lots of fun and enjoying the intimacy of strap-on play, the act itself didn't sexually stimulate me. Eventually, it became essential to advocate for my own pleasure since anal penetration had become such a large part of our sexual routine. We had to make sure that I also achieved the "big O" before strapping on my rubber cock.

Over time, my anal enthusiasm wavered. That's not to say it wasn't sexy or fun, but I did have moments of insecurity, confusion, and self-sabotage. It was hard to pinpoint exactly where the negative feelings originated. I have been so indoctrinated with certain beliefs surrounding gender and sexuality that I got caught up in the stereotypes surrounding anal play. I had to combat negative thoughts which told me I was no longer feminine and find ways to release the shame that bound me. 

The journey for my partner was also difficult. What we did in the bedroom did not entirely align with his preconceived notions of what constituted a heteronormative relationship. When our pegging experience began, we both were apprehensive about telling our peers. But over time, our bedroom activities began to spill into our conversations with friends, and we were subject to various reactions. 

There's a strong social stigma surrounding strap-on play, and although we attempted to combat it, we were still subject to shame. Keeping an open dialogue and looking out for each other was vital to feel safe and protected from the judgment of others.

Strap-on play is exciting and goes against everything we've been taught about sex. It can also be very intimate and open new doors of communication within a relationship. Although strap-on play isn't a total role reversal, it does require some gender fluidity.

Even though I identify as a woman and come across as feminine by many of society's standards, I also have a very "masculine" side that I like to express sexually. To see my partner – a masculine-presenting person – in an unguarded and receptive sexual state was such a vulnerable yet freeing experience for the both of us. 

Our relationship eventually ran its course, and although I no longer own a strap-on, I've remained open-minded and sexually curious. I've learned that asserting myself during sex and being in control has nothing to do with who penetrates whom; it's all about advocating for your pleasure and asking for what you want.